Success

It's natural to look at others who’ve achieved things we dream of achieving and wish we could be like them. And we often think to ourselves if I ever accomplish what they have, then I’ll be successful. But that view is limited, even dare I say naïve, because no matter what level we are at, with only a few rare exceptions, we always yearn for more. Once we reach a new level the elation only lasts so long, most of the time much less than we anticipate. And quicker than we like we see the next level, and that becomes our new goal, our new obsession. It’s like hiking a mountain and setting our sights on the nearest horizon. But once we reach that horizon a new one, further away pops into view. As far as I can see, at least in terms of writing or careers in general, this recursive process never ends, unless we give up. I’m not sure there is a “top of the mountain” in our lifetimes. So instead of coveting those milestone moments, wishing they’d happen more frequently, or more easily, what if we simply enjoyed the journey upwards, celebrated each hard fought step along the way. It helps to remember that in climbing a mountain each step is required, not just the steps that cross us over new horizons.

Now, I realize that along the way it's easy to get discouraged, especially when we see others perform so much better than we do ourselves, or when we don't follow through on our own goals as competently or rapidly as we wish. Me and discouragement we’ve met, we’re on a first name basis. I don’t want to bore you with my unrealized goals, it would take way too much time. So let’s just move on.

I recently learned something new. Well that’s not exactly right. I’m sure I’ve known it for a long time, it’s an old truth. But recently it was clarified in a new way that stuck out to me—it sunk in. Are you ready for it? Here it is: success is something you and I get to define, if we want. We can choose to cling to the disappointments and wallow in misery, denigrating ourselves and our work forever. This is the easy road though; it gives us excuses to not succeed. Or on the other hand we can grab hold of anything positive, uplifting, no matter how small, no matter how few and far between they occur—even a single step. When we celebrate these tiny victories we're more likely to keep going, to endure to the end.

Hard work is what it's all about, not talent or opportunities—thanks for teaching me Howard Tayler. And rather than compare ourselves against our friends and idols we should compare ourselves against ourselves. Instead of saying:  why can’t I be like her? Or why is he always so much better than me? (or is it I? Dang, where’s Annette Lyon when I need her.) Or why did they get the big contract instead of me? Ask yourself: am I progressing? Am I better today than yesterday? Am I working hard to get better tomorrow? If we can say yes to any of these we should pat ourselves on the back, enjoy the moment, and then get back to work.

I spent three days at LDS Storymakers 2012 writer’s conference last week. And it was great! Yes, I’m using that exclamation point. But at the same time it wasn’t perfect, there were some ups and some downs. What’s important though is what I take away. There are really only two options: move forward, or fall behind. I had so many positives that far outweighed any of the piddly negatives how can I not move forward? This was my first Storymakers conference. Hi, I’m new. But I want to share with you how I measured success this year.

1- Thursday, I met some fantastic writers at my table at bootcamp. They gave me valuable feedback on my WIP. And even though some of it was difficult to hear, I appreciate every bit and recognize the spirit it was given in—to help me get better as a writer. More than the feedback though, they gave me heaping doses of encouragement during bootcamp and throughout the conference. I saw them in sessions, at meals and at keynotes.

2- Friday, day 1 of the main part of the conference, I was scheduled for a pitch session with agent Holly Root. (I’m so tempted to write secret agent Holly Root, it has a nice ring to it don’t you think?) I was nervous, so nervous. But Storymakers came through for me again. I randomly ate lunch with a couple writers from Gilbert, Arizona—a hot bed for writers I now understand. Anyway, these writers were talking about pitches; in fact one of them had already been to his pitch session. He gave me his pitch, which was very good by the way. But then he asked me for mine. I awkwardly stumbled through mine and to my surprise they said good job—in effect "you worked hard on that" at least that's how I choose to remember it in hindsight. They pointed out parts they liked and made suggestions for what I could add to make it better. But what they really did was push me over the hump of "can I really do this?" to hey "I think I can." Back in December I signed up to pitch more to kick my own writing hindside into action than to actually convince Holly to really look at my work. But now I think I can. My 10 minutes with Holly were positive, encouraging, and I left wanting to finish my WIP ASAP. Mission accomplished in spades—that alone was worth attending Storymakers.

3- Saturday I was in a session when Heather Moore came in and sat down next to me. After the session was over we chatted like two writers at a conference. Now, I've attended a PEG critique session but I think I was only casually introduced to Heather. But in our conversation it felt like she at least remembered my name. Wow, Heather Moore remembered me, or at least recognized my name. The most enlightening thing about our conversation is that even someone published as much as Heather is still working, learning and growing, pushing herself to the next level in her career. And when I realized that I felt in a small way that we had something in common. I mean no disrespect to Heather, I simply mean we both have a desire to move our writing careers forward. For me I hope to have a writing career someday, and for her to bump hers up a notch.

Success can be defined any way you choose. And if you're not careful you may just place it out of your own reach through comparisons to others, or by allowing someone else, the world maybe, to define what success is for you. I choose bask in my little victories, and cling to the precious, positive moments. And I am going to get back to work on my writing.

Thanks to everyone I met at Storymakers, the members of my critique group, the people I met, and all the fantastic presenters and volunteers who made my first Storymakers memorable—a real success! And especially to everyone at any table who shared their pitches with me, and asked that I give my pitch to them. I'll be back.

Scott Clayton The Writer

Credits: Heather Moore was the spark for this post and Howard Tayler was the heart—he worked hard on his presentation. And I also credit so many others who I rubbed shoulders with during the conference. Sheesh, you’d think I’d won an award or something. Hmm, now that I think of it, maybe I did—just not one of those showy kinds of awards that everyone else knows about.

Balance: Motorcycles and Writing

Turn the key, press the starter and the engine rumbles to life; on a cold morning, like today, I might need to use the choke. The engine idles for a minute, beating away till it warms up. My left hand squeezes the clutch. My left foot taps the gear lever down, snapping it into first. I slowly release the clutch with my left hand while revving up the throttle with my right. I pick up my right foot as the wheels start to turn, resting it on the foot peg. I rev it some more and accelerate into the road, settling into equilibrium on two wheels. A few feet down the road I relax the throttle, squeeze the clutch, and pop the gear lever up into second. More throttle and the engine rumbles effortlessly up to speed, a little more than I should through our quiet neighborhood sometimes, but I can’t help it.

The wind in my face, the smell of cut grass or hay, the engine roaring, the warmth of the sun catching up at a stop, the awesome power for the most part untapped held in reserve, accelerating up, hanging on, leaning into the curves, combined with the flawless execution of the controls required to make all this happen is a liberating experience. When it all comes together, senses alive and alert, everything is in balance.

But each spring, when I ride again for the first time after a long winter break, it’s easy to recognize when something’s not in balance. Maybe I pop the clutch too fast and the engine kills. Maybe I sit crooked in the seat, making the handle bars feel twisted to one side. Maybe I stop too quickly, or place my feet in the wrong position and the bike leans too far to the side almost toppling over. Or maybe I forget to turn off the turn signal. No matter what, if something’s out of balance it just doesn’t feel right.

Getting everything right to operate a motorcycle may sound intimidating to some. But with some practice it can easily be mastered by anyone willing to put in a little effort. I think writing is similar. There are many rules, and even more guidelines that make everything about writing seem intimidating. But with practice and effort I’ve heard it can be mastered. Balance in writing is difficult to describe, but easily felt when it’s not there.

My quest for balance in writing continues this week at the LDStorymakers Writers Conference. I’ve been frantically working on my fifteen pages for Boot Camp, a hands-on critique workshop. I’m stressing over what to say in my ten minute pitch session to an actual literary agent. And I’m looking forward to two days chock-full of classes and workshops covering craft basics, advanced craft, genre, and marketing/career development taught by world class authors. In addition I hope to meet new writer friends as well.

Even though I use these kinds of milestones to work towards I realize this is a journey not a destination. I never seem to be able to spend enough time to make things as good as I expect them to be, but at least I’m making progress. And if I don’t go into Storymakers feeling rock solid prepared, I plan to go with confidence. Not because of what I’ve done so far, but because of what I hope to become—better tomorrow than I was today.

I’m constantly reading helpful blogs that hit me when I need them the most. Here are a couple I read this week: Race in YA Lit: Wake Up & Smell the Coffee-Colored Skin, White Authors! and the very appropriate How to talk to strangers at professional events.

One more thing worth mentioning I just finished reading Scene and Structure by Jack Bickham. I learned a lot from this book. And I’m currently reading Story Engineering: Mastering the 6 Core Competencies of Successful Writing by Larry Brooks.

Anything Good: Entertainment (movies, TV, sports, reading)

You are what you eat—literally. And in a similar fashion what entertainment you choose to indulge in can tell a lot about you as well. Here’s a sampling of what I’ve been consuming lately.

Movies

I don’t go to movies a lot. The number one reason is that movies quite often disappoint me. I watch trailers and get excited only to find out the best parts were shown in the trailer. Or, I read and liked the book, so I’m interested in the movie but it turns out that someone interpreted it differently; I mean they decided to change the story significantly. I hate that. Or the absolute worst is when a movie feels like it’s packed full of fabulous effects and enticing action sequences but there is no plot, no story. All of this makes me skeptical of movies in general.

So far this year I’ve seen two movies: John Carter and Red Tails. I had completely different experiences with each of them.

John Carter

I saw John Carter last week. I’ve been excited to see it for a while now, mostly based on the trailers ;-). Hi I’m Scott and I fall for this kind of thing often. Curse you Hollywood! Besides the impressively cool trailer, sci-fi and fantasy are my favorite genres. How can you go wrong mixing them together? And one more thing, this movie was my choice, not my wife’s.

Overall I liked it. It was worth the price of admission including the 3d tax. The pictures on the screen were beautiful. The 3d detail was impressive. I found myself staring at the Tharks’ skin textures more than once. The story was good, even though it was a bit predictable. I liked how John Carter learned to use his special abilities on Mars. And I thought the inclusion of Edgar Rice Burroughs as a character in the movie was a nice touch.

There were a couple of times, however, when I was scratching my head about how easily John got out of difficult predicaments. And John Carter’s backstory, how his wife and child were brutally murdered while he was away at war could have been handled better. But of course that would have taken time away from the pretty pictures. Anyway I didn’t buy that as motivation for his selfishness, although it’s clear that’s what they were trying to sell me. This trope has been used before, most recently in Cowboys vs Aliens, Jake Lonergan and in the TV show Hell on Wheels Cullen Bohannon, both of which deal with it in more believable ways.

In summary I had high expectations for John Carter. And while I did like it, I really wanted to like it more. It just didn’t live up to my expectations.

Red Tails

I’m sure I saw a trailer for Red Tails, but I honestly don’t remember it. When my wife suggested we see it I had to go to flixster to figure out what it was about. Two things got me into the theater that night back in January. One, there wasn’t anything else playing I wanted to see. And two, my wife chose it and I was hoping to win points for going along with her. I had nothing against it; it’s just that when I think of a fun time at the movies, war films don’t jump to the top of my list. I was thinking it was going to be closer to a history lesson than entertainment.

When I’m wrong sometimes I’ll admit it. This is one of those times—I was WRONG. Please mark this down so I get credit. Red Tails was packed full of engaging action, relatable characters, a compelling story and yes, even some history too.

Red Tails made me want to fly in one of those shiny P-51 Mustangs, or at least to build a model of one. I was pumped up with emotion along with the characters in the scene where they prayed on the runway right before they went on their big mission. I liked the characters before, but after that I couldn’t help but root for them.

I related most to Joe “Lightning” Little. My natural instinct is to fight injustice head on without really thinking it through—usually in much smaller ways. I should be more like Martin “Easy” Julian though and think about the best way to achieve my goals. Sometimes that means enduring is more important than fighting, especially when fighting commonly makes us ineffective by taking us out of the game.

When I’m in a leadership position I am like Easy. I often second guess myself and/or beat myself up and feel like quitting when I make a wrong decision. There was a great scene when Easy tried to give up his command but the admiral wouldn’t let him. Easy learned to accept himself as the leader, even though he sometimes made bad decisions. Leader or not moving on in life, despite the fact that I make wrong decisions sometimes, is an important lesson to learn.

I liked the WWII part of the movie more than I thought I would. But why the military leaders couldn’t convince all the pilots that protecting the bombers was more important than shooting down enemy planes is a disappointing message about their own abilities to lead. If I were a WWII pilot I think I might be tempted by the impulse to rack up hits. But, if it were explained that our side was losing bombing crews, and potentially losing the war because of it, I hope I would have done the right thing and not just what I wanted to do. That made the other pilots seem petty and selfish in comparison.

I kept thinking about Red Tails, long after I saw it. I had low expectations to begin with and it blew them away in the end. I walked away from Red Tails feeling good inside.

The rest of this movie year holds great potential. The ones I’m looking forward to most are: Hunger Games, The Hobbit, Dark Knight Rises, Avengers, Amazing Spider-Man and Brave. I hope I’ll have something good to say about a few of these too.

TV

I probably watch more TV than I should. I justify it by calling it creative research for my writing. Anyway, you know a show is good when you can’t wait for the next episode. So then it’s a bonus to actually find the time to sit down and watch them. Lately a few stand out over the rest: Walking Dead, Being Human, Justified, Hell on Wheels, Grimm and Once Upon a Time.

Walking Dead makes me cringe and then I come back for more. They’re not afraid to kill off major characters and I want to know how the ones who remain alive are going to survive.

Being Human is about a vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost who simply want to live “normal” lives. Unfortunately for them their monster-ish selves always seem to get in the way. I’m not a vampire, a werewolf, nor a ghost but I can relate to their desires for the “ordinary.” I quite often feel like a monster when I don’t measure up to my own lofty expectations, when I make mistakes.

On Justified Raylan Givens is a rogue U.S. Marshal who does what he thinks is the right thing even when he knows it will get him in trouble. His flaws are obvious and it’s a miracle he’s not dead yet given his propensity for walking headlong into fire. But he’s a guy I enjoy rooting for; and sometimes I wish I could get away with cutting to the chase the way Raylan does.

Hell on Wheels is a western. The setting is the American West post-Civil War, the railroad expansion in particular. The images on the screen, from the scenery to the clothing, are incredibly beautiful. The story is good too. It’s between seasons right now. But I’ll be right there when they start back up towards the end of 2012.

Grimm and Once Upon a Time are similar in that they explore fairy tales. But each does it in a very different way. Each comes with its own plusses and minuses. But I’m still watching both of them.

That sounds like a lot. I know. But we wouldn’t be able to keep up without TiVo. My wife and I typically watch one of the recorded episodes after we put our kids to bed. It’s something we enjoy doing together. It helps us wind down after an action packed day of work and plenty of kid stuff.

Sports

We’re in the middle of March Madness and I still haven’t fully committed to basketball this year. The NBA lockout really soured me. Luckily I’m still riding high remembering how my favorite football team, the San Francisco 49ers turned things around this year. And even though they could have made it to the Super Bowl I’m proud to be a fan. I’ve been a fan since the beginning of the season that ended with Joe Montana and Dwight Clark hooking up for “The Catch” to nudge the 9ers past the Cowboys and into the Super Bowl.

All I can say is Jim Harbaugh is the man. It was impressive to watch him turn essentially the same team as last year around in such a convincing manor. I’ll admit, the last few years have been more down than up. It’s been tough to see my team go through it. But this past season made it all worth it. It gives me hope for the future. That’s what I love about sports. Seasons come and seasons go, but the beginning of a new season is filled with tremendous amounts of hope—next season might be the one.

Something New?

Have you heard about Coliloquy? On their website they describe themselves as “a digital publisher of active fiction, specializing in reader engagement and serial storytelling.”

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how traditional publishing might change using technology to create something new and interesting. That’s how the programmer in me thinks. I’m not sure if Coliloquy is going as far as I thought possible, but I’m excited they’re willing to do something to push forward into the future.

I haven’t been able to sample any of their dynamic content just yet because, as of now, it is only available on Kindle devices other than the Kindle Fire. I have an iPad and my wife has a Kindle Fire. So for now I’m sitting on the sidelines waiting for their next step, which is rumored to include not only the Kindle Fire but iOS options as well. Please hurry up Coliloquy.

I am definitely keeping my eyes on them to see what they can do. Have any of you read titles from Coliloquy? If so, please let me know what you think of them.

Reading

I recently started two interesting books. One is Wolf Mark by Joseph Bruchac and the other is Here, There Be Dragons by James A. Owen. Every night I can’t wait to pick one of them up and read further.

In comics I’m looking forward to Avengers vs X-Men (AvX) coming out in a few weeks. I’ve liked the X-Men for a long time. The Avengers are less familiar so I’m learning about them by reading New Avengers, Secret Avengers, Avengers: X-Sanction and Avenging Spider-Man.

Summary

I’m not exactly sure what all this means, other than it looks like I spend a boatload of time consuming all different kinds of media. So when do I find time to write? Well actually, writing is my top priority. It pushes all this other stuff aside. But all this “other stuff” is necessary to reinvigorate my creative juices. And some of this other stuff is how I stay in contact with my family, especially my wife. We do most of it together.

One thing that stands out about what I choose to watch is that I like strong characters who try to do the right thing even though they end up making lots of mistakes along the way. And I just might like watching characters do things I wish I had the opportunity and/or courage to do. As I have written all this down it’s interesting to find out that I seem to gravitate towards characters who have some admirable qualities, and who are striving to be better no matter what position they find themselves in. Me too.

Oh, and one more thing. I learned that I should trust my wife’s movie choices more often.

Life, the Universe, & Everything (LTUE) 30

LTUE is a symposium on science fiction and fantasy. It’s geared towards writing, publishing, and illustrating. It started thirty years ago at BYU, and has been hosted there every year, until this year when the venue shifted to Utah Valley University (UVU).

If you are interested in any aspect of writing LTUE is a wealth of information at a very minor cost. The early bird fee was $30 for three full days of sessions covering a wide variety of topics. Plus you get to rub shoulders with tons of industry professionals: writers, editors, publishers etc, in addition to hundreds of aspiring writers at different stages of their careers.

This is the third LTUE I’ve attended, but the first time I went to sessions on all three days. Thursday and Friday I attended sessions all day from 9:00 am to after 6:00 pm. There were sessions later on both days but my brain ran out of storage space so I ended early. On Saturday I wanted to go in the morning but I had other obligations. I did manage to attend three sessions in the afternoon though. I’m glad I took the time because some of the sessions I thought might be good turned out to be just ho hum, while on the other hand a couple I didn’t think would be any good turned out to be awesome. There was such a rich variety of options it was hard to choose just one each hour. Here’s a sampling of titles for some of the sessions I attended: Queries and Pitches, Story Structure, Plots Subplots and Forshadowing, Ecology and Evolution in Science Fiction, how to go From Idea to Story, The Good and the Bad (what to do, and what not to do in writing speculative fiction) and Writing Cross-Culturally. The speakers included seasoned veterans as well as up and coming stars of the future. I hate to name names especially because I know I’ll leave someone out. But at the same time there were quite a few that really stood out. Here’s a short list of great speakers, many of them I was able to hear in multiple sessions: James A. Owen, Jess Smart Smiley, Kirk Shaw, J. Scott Savage, Howard Tayler, Dan and Rob Wells, Brandon Sanderson, Stacy Whitman, Sandra Tayler, Ami Chopine, and Dr. Steven Peck. I know Sandra Tayler is married to Howard Tayler, but I listed them separately because they spoke separately. And even though Sandra’s session had a little to do with being married to Howard I thought she was an excellent speaker in her own right. There are many other fantastic speakers that gave sessions at LTUE and hopefully in the future I’ll be lucky enough to hear them too.

A few of the sessions I attended deserve special attention.

The discussion in Can Poetry Help Your Prose, or, Writing with Rhythm made me want to learn more about poetry. “Poetry is meant to be heard,” isn’t an earth shattering thought but it struck a chord with me. Understanding this level of detail can make my writing more pleasurable for readers, even if they don’t recognize the meter.

The class on Feeling Fake was so good they could have billed me for a therapy session. It was a great discussion about how we, as writers, often don’t feel like we belong unless we accomplish X, where X is something different for each person. For one it's getting published, for another it's going national or making it on a best-seller list. But it was interesting to find out that people at all different levels suffer from a similar lack of self-confidence. That's something I can totally relate to.

I wish there was a simple solution to this dilemma but there isn't. However, just knowing that people who've done much greater things than me still suffer from feeling fake helps me see I'm not alone. That’s comforting. In the end the only real solution is to acknowledge where I'm at as a writer, and then work hard to improve. Meanwhile the more I can muster the guts to act like who I want to be the more likely I'll someday actually achieve it. Recognizing milestones along the way is another healthy thing to do: I've finished a manuscript or I had good feedback from my critique group, stuff like that. With all that in mind the most important thing to do is to keep writing—never give up. Thank you speakers, and thank you LTUE organizers for the Feeling Fake session—it was amazingly helpful, it really hit home for me.

In Writing Humor Howard Tayler had us laughing for the entire session. I want to include more humor in my writing as a result, mainly because it's fun to laugh. Who doesn’t like that?

The Keynote Address by James A Owen was incredibly inspirational. James talked about how easy it is to draw a dragon; you start with 4 simple lines. And then he drew 4 lines on a large pad, large enough for the entire audience to see. Instantly the shape of the dragon was obvious, but it was abstract. Then he added 3 more lines giving it some depth. He added a few more lines a couple more times and ended up with a nice drawing of a dragon. Then he said I’m going to take about two more minutes and when I step back there’s going to be a finished drawing of a dragon. He turned his back on the audience and began drawing furiously—obviously he’s drawn a few dragons before. He continued to talk while he was drawing, which was surprising to me that he could draw and talk at the same time, and do both so well. When he was finished he had produced a dragon that closely resembled the dragon on the cover of his book Drawing out the Dragons, the subtitle is A Meditation on Art, Destiny, and the Power of Choice. Drawing is simple he said. It’s about lines and choices. The trick is making good choices on where to put the lines. If I had to summarize James’ keynote I would use his words: Our lives are nothing more than a series of choices and you always have a chance to choose.

After the keynote was over James was mobbed. I wanted to greet him but the crowds were thick and I couldn’t think of anything important to say to him. I did see his dragon drawing on the stage later in the day and wished I could have it. Not just because it was cool art. It definitely is cool art, but the fact that I watched him stand there and draw it would be a reminder that something so complex and beautiful started with 4 simple lines—and maybe I could even have recognized those 4 foundational lines. And then maybe I could choose 4 solid foundational lines to build my own destiny on.

James also said that when he writes he draws an image for every chapter. And if he doesn’t have a good idea for what the image should look like he considers that a flaw in the writing and he rewrites till an image comes to mind. I want to start doing that, drawing an image for more of the chapters I write. But I’m horrible at drawing. I do have a sketchbook and I’ve drawn maps for my story so far. I’ve even attempted sketching a couple of places I wanted to visualize better, and a couple of things I felt like I needed something more concrete than an idea in my head. But I wish they were better.  But, even though I’m horrible I’m going to try drawing images for more scenes in my book. I think the intertwining of written word and visual images is a powerful way to convey a story.

One of the great opportunities at LTUE is to meet new people and to branch out. I eavesdropped more than I should have. And I really should have tried harder to reach out. But I did end up chatting with many nice people.

Before LTUE I’d never heard of James A Owen, sorry James. But there was something about James that made me want to have a connection—he was that impressive. There were several occasions after his keynote where I might have had a chance if I were more persistent, and more courageous. I even waited in line between sessions to talk with him, but alas I didn’t manage to get the chance. I even practiced what I was going to say after thanking him for such a great keynote. I was going to look him in the eye and say “You inspired me and I am going to do what you did. And I am coming back here next year as your peer.” Well, that’s what I hoped to be able to say. But I’m not sure I could be that bold. Nevertheless I will continue to write, in part because of his inspiration. And maybe someday I’ll be able to say that to Mr Owen. One more thing I plan on doing soon is buying a copy of Here, There Be Dragons.

I also wanted to meet Stacy Whitman. I wanted to tell her I’m writing my story for her. I heard her speak two years ago at my first LTUE and I thought cultural diversity, this is interesting. Why not include characters with different cultural backgrounds? But Stacy is a stickler, as she should be. And to be honest I’m afraid that I won’t be as good as she needs me to be. I’m working hard to incorporate as much as I can from her session, her blog, her tweets and all the resources she cites. But still I worry. I hope that if my first draft is wrong or bad that instead of someone telling me “you shouldn't do that” someone will help me make it better.

I saw Howard Tayler a lot. I used to work with Howard years ago. When he left Novell to pursue his career in comics I was surprised, and probably a little doubtful. But over the years I’ve watched his career blossom and my surprise has turned to admiration. It took a lot of guts for Howard to walk away from a decent paying job into the unknown. But kudos to him for having the courage to follow through on his dreams. He’s my poster boy for “It can be done.” Now all I need to do is work up the courage to actually do it myself.

Besides being funny what I appreciate most about Howard is, despite all of his success, he’s still approachable. I see him quite often now, especially since I started reading comics again, and every time I see him I come away with some tidbit of encouragement or a nugget of help as I take my own tiny steps toward my dream of becoming a writer.

LTUE=Inspiration+Motivation+Tricks of the Trade+Rub shoulders with industry professionals & all kinds of good writerly people.

I came away from LTUE with a reinvigorated enthusiasm for writing. And a conviction that if I continue to work hard and simply keep writing, that I can produce something worth reading by more than just my family and friends. I’m already looking forward to LTUE 31 in 2013. By then I expect to have the first draft of my novel done, and I should be working on revisions and querying. 

I included the last part mainly so that I’ll have some semblance of accountability, not because I’m particularly confident I’ll actually achieve it.

Anything Good: Back to Comics

I mentioned in my last post that I started reading comic books again. This has been an interesting journey. It started several years ago when we took my third son to Islands of Adventure in Florida for his 10-year-old trip. We loved Marvel Super Hero Island and just couldn’t pass up a visit to the comic book store there. We met a friendly member of the staff who made a few suggestions. I ended up buying a couple of Spider-Man trade paperbacks*. I read and enjoyed them but that was it.

Occasionally, in the subsequent years, I thought I’d like to read more. But I always felt weird, maybe even a little intimidated, about going to places where I could purchase more. So this past summer, when my daughter chose to go to Islands of Adventure for her 10-year-old trip, I was excited about the possibility of getting some more comics. Unfortunately, when we visited the exact same comic store, browsed for a while, even tried making conspicuous glances at the staff, I eventually left, disappointed. I just couldn’t bring myself to ask for help and the staff didn’t feel like offering, so the impasse left me empty handed. I’ll never be selected as ambassador to alien nations—I hate making first contact.

Since that disappointment I did a little searching on the Internet. Turns out there are lots to choose from—thanks for that one Internet. If you’re new to comic books, or been away for a while, it may feel like it requires a PhD in comic book history in order to know where to start—it did for me.

Undaunted, okay mostly daunted but determined to get past it, I worked up the courage to walk into a local comic/game store. Funny thing is the stereotypes matched pretty well. I played it cool looking for the comics section. Hey, I’m in my mid-forties and I want some comics. What you lookin’ at kid? Is what I might have said if confronted at that point. Luckily for everyone that didn’t happen. I was about to make a hasty retreat when I spotted them—CLEAR AT THE BACK OF THE STORE. Nothing worthwhile is easy. I think the locals smelled my fear as I walked back.

While trying to take in the hundreds of options visible on the wall—that was just the new stuff by the way—I met the most helpful shop clerk I think I’ve ever met; shout out to the DK crew. He started with the low pressure “Do you need any help?” angle.

I gave him my usual, “I’m just looking around. Thanks.”

But he didn’t walk away like 99% of the shop clerks I’ve encountered. He asked about my interests, slyly gaging my knowledge level without exposing me as a neophyte. By the time we were done I grabbed a few comics from the DC reboot (The New 52), plus found a good X-Men starting point and picked up The Walking Dead “Volume 1: Days Gone Bye.” Aren’t I so much cooler now—I’m an insider. At least I know a few key words so I’ll be able to bluff my way through a conversation next time.

A couple of months have gone by since then, now I have new problems. Picking up the next installment of each of The New 52 I’m reading has been a lot like hunting for beanie babies with my wife fifteen years ago; we had to search out stores receiving new shipments and get there early in the morning, 6:00 am or earlier, and fight off hordes of beanie baby cut throats. The hunt for new comics isn’t quite as dramatic. But if I don’t make it to the comic store early each Wednesday when new comics are released there’s a good chance I won’t be able to procure the new ones. And if I miss the new releases it’s tough to predict when I’ll be able to pick them up. My wife found a couple of shops in SLC, she’s good at stuff like this, where it’s been easier to pick up new releases. These shops seem to have a deeper inventory. The down side is that I have to drive forty minutes to get there. But it’s been a nice back up plan. Now I don’t fret too much if I miss a new issue here or there. And when I have enough of those missing issues stacked up I look for a reason to make a longer trip to SLC.

I also had the problem of how to store my comics in a way that was easily accessible. My collection was growing, almost as fast as tribbles, which means if I didn’t do something I would have been overrun, or worse my precious new possessions would be lost in a sea of new comics. And nobody wants that. IKEA to the rescue. I found a cheap new book shelf and a few magazine holders. Now I not only have my current comics organized, I have room to grow.

Once I started reading a few comics I remembered other characters or stories I’d seen on TV or read about. So my interests are expanding. Which is one of the funnest** parts about reading comics, there’s always something new. I jumped onto Avenging Spiderman from the beginning. So far it’s ok, but I love it that Marvel includes a free digital copy with the purchase of the comic book—I’d read it for that reason alone. Reading digital comics on my iPad is great, they look incredible. I wish every publisher gave away a digital copy with the hard copy. Why not?

In summary what’s good about comics?

They are playful and light. When I start taking myself too seriously, or just get bogged down while writing, comics are a good way to take a break and still keep reading and thinking about storytelling.  The stories are fun and the images*** definitely add to the enjoyment.

Comics are serial stories so they never really end. They make me look forward to Wednesdays—new comics day. I end up reading comics when I would have otherwise watched TV.

My thirteen-year-old son likes to read them too. Anything I can find to share with my son so we have something in common, something to talk about, is a good thing.

They make me wish I could draw. I wonder if there is a storytelling medium somewhere in between comic books and the regular picture-less novel? This is something I plan to give more thought to.

I’m enjoying most of what I’m reading. Some more than others, but overall it’s been enjoyable and inspirational.

Regarding my fears and admitted shyness above: In case you’re wondering, “No.” I don’t ever ask strangers for directions either. And yes I do eventually end up where I want to go. I’m nothing if not persistent. A quality I hope will serve me well on my writing journey.

*Trade paperbacks are a collection of stories originally published in comic books, reprinted in book format, for those of you like me, who are unfamiliar with the term trade paperback. Usually buying trade paperbacks is cheaper than buying the series one at a time. The tradeoff is you have to wait a while after the last comic book in the series to be included is out before they print the trade paperbacks.

**According to MS Word I may have made up the word funnest, but it just seemed to fit, so I left it in.

***One thing to watch out for, especially when sharing comics with kids, is the comic book artist’s representation of the female body. A lot of times it’s exaggerated to emphasize the female form. It’s always best to read the comics first before sharing them with kids. That also gives you the added bonus of being able to discuss it with them too.

Finding Anything Good

I lost my voice, have you noticed? I expect I haven’t quite earned the right for anyone to notice my voice just yet. I’ve been too sporadic for that. For the record though I’m back—rejuvenated. And after a sufficient amount of procrastination behind me I have grand plans to pick up the ball I dropped four months ago, that is to blog more consistently—at least once a month.

I got caught up in the publishing wave, swept away if you will, by the flowing tide of new and interesting reading produced by this ever accelerating age of information. I use the term “new” here loosely, it means new to me. This includes material produced at any time which I was formerly unacquainted with. It includes traditionally published material as well as amazingly helpful blogs, plus all the latest social buzz on Twitter, Facebook and the likes. All that combined, the mountain of characters, words, paragraphs and pages is approaching Everest in sheer magnitude, and in awesomeness.

The thing is there are so many fantastic options to choose from I can't possibly hope to read them all let alone just keep up with the new releases. I’m more likely to summit Everest, which, let’s be honest, ain’t ever gonna happen. Sometimes I feel guilty—like I didn't do my homework—when I find great new stuff that’s more than a year old. And it’s hard not to compare myself to others and end up lacking, especially when I listen to them talk or write from the depth of their knowledge. This is the dilemma I was faced with: information overload. And if I couldn’t keep up why should I expect anyone else to read what I write—I mean seriously who am I? My creative desire to add more to the mountain was crushed under the weight of what’s already out there. My voice was silenced.

Or was it? Looking back I don’t think it was. What happened is that other things were louder and drowned out my voice. How do I know that? Because my desire to write persists. What was lacking was a clear direction, something to write about. As I’ve been mulling over that topic—read into that procrastinating—I’ve been reading and watching some interesting TV shows. I even started reading comic books again. And even though I can’t consume it all—heck I have a pile of cool stuff that will most likely last me till summer—I can easily find something worthwhile, something good.

The thought of finding something good, anything really, amidst the plethora of what is and has been produced is my new focus for the coming year. Each month I will write about something that sticks out to me, anything good. The best part about this plan is that it requires me to look on the bright side, to see cups that are half full. I’m excited to take this challenge.

To start things off I have three good things worth writing about:

Number 1: On November 10, 2011 if you missed the book bomb started by Larry Correia for Rob Wells’ book Variant you missed something truly inspiring. People around the internet banded together to see how high they could push Variant on Amazon’s best sellers list. Variant went from #6068 to #57 in one day, it climbed to #7 in its genre. See Larry Correia’s blog for more details.

I bought a copy of Variant on Nov. 10 and as soon as I received it my wife took it. She read it in less than a week—she loved it. I’m currently reading it and it’s great.

More than the book though I was impressed by how a single person could unite so many people via Twitter, Facebook and blogs. There is amazing power here that can be harnessed for good. Larry’s book bomb is a perfect example of this power.

Number 2: One of the comics I recently started reading is The Walking Dead. I’m not a big zombie fan but I was immediately sucked in. In the introduction to “Volume 1 Days Gone Bye” Robert Kirkham lays out his goal: “With THE WALKING DEAD I want to explore how people deal with extreme situations and how these events CHANGE them.” That sets the tone perfectly for the story. It’s about how people deal with difficult situations in their lives first, and zombies second. It’s that people element that is compelling. The zombie part is good for a little scare here and there.

After I read "Days Gone Bye" I realized that AMC produced a series based on the comics. And much to my dismay it’s already in season 2. How did I miss season 1? Fortunately I caught the entire first half of season 2, which is on a break until February 12, 2012. During the midseason finale (season 2 episode 7 “Pretty Much Dead Already”) there was an amazingly dramatic moment that is so compelling it has been stuck in my mind for weeks. So many things happened at the same time: I was angry, surprised, happy, and sad all at the same time. That scene alone is worth watching all of season 2 so far. In my writing I hope to be able to create such a compelling scene someday.

If you haven’t seen The Walking Dead AMC has a full series marathon scheduled for New Year’s Eve 2011, this Saturday. It includes all of season 1 and season 2 up to this point—this is how I plan to catch up on season 1. I recommend using TiVo and watching them in smaller doses. I like to dilute my zombie watching with something less tense in between episodes, two episodes back to back is about as much as I can stomach in one sitting.

Number 3: I took my daughter to The Muppets at a local movie theater a couple nights ago. She mentioned just after Thanksgiving she wanted to see it. My response at that time was eh, I don’t think so—shame on me. Luckily I read Howard Tayler’s review, and noticed a lot of tweets about how much people liked it, so I decided to give it a chance. I’m so glad I did. There are lots of good movies—good in varying degrees: pretty pictures, fun scenes, good stories, and sometimes stories that impact you and stick with you, and even change you or help you on your journey through life. This movie was funny and nostalgic but it also left me feeling better than I felt when I sat down to watch it. My favorite quote from The Muppets is “It’s easy to believe in other people. Sooner or later you gotta believe in yourself.” What a great message that hit me right at my core. It really is so much easier to believe in others than it is to believe in yourself. Since I decided I was going to write a novel these kinds of messages have been popping up at the most fortuitous moments. Maybe the messages are always there and it’s up to me to notice them. Or maybe I’m just looking for something to spur me on. I could probably find negative messages too—resistance—if I focused on looking for them. But even if both positive and negative messages are out there why not focus on the positive ones? I need all the help I can get. The negative messages—the resistance—is no help at all.

That’s it for my preview of Anything Good that comes along, now and into the next year.

So, from here on out I refuse to feel guilty about my past omissions and will partake of the veritable smorgasbord of reading/viewing material as best I can. Hopefully I'll choose from the most delectable options because I'll be over-stuffed long before the content runs out. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to add my own dish to the buffet, contributing something someone else will find enjoyable. But if not the journey will add savor and spice to my literary and media life experiences just as well.

Why not me? Gaining confidence

I started coaching when my oldest son was five-years-old. Since then, sports have been an integral part of our lives for close to seventeen years. One theme that has cropped up time and time again is the importance of confidence. You have to believe in yourself to be successful, in sports, or any endeavor for that matter.

Ironically I have a quirk that sabotages me when I talk about my writing. I decided to write about it in hopes of exercising a few demons of doubt. When I told my wife about this plan she reminded me of that coaching advice I’d been giving to my kids. So now, my own words are coming back to haunt me. It’s time to practice what I’ve been preaching all these years.

First let’s get things out in the open, demons hate being out in the open. Here it is: whenever I tell someone about my writing I am compelled to begin by pointing out my inadequacies, my inexperience. It’s happened every time I’ve attended any type of writing event where I’m required to talk about what I’m writing – several times this year already. I've been thinking about why I do this. Maybe it’s because I’ve read so many excellent books that I can’t imagine ever being that good. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid of being criticized, something I know is unavoidable when you publish your story for the world to read. Maybe I’m afraid that my story will be bad, and due to guilt by association, that will imply I’m bad too. Or, maybe I’m just plain comfortable living out my life in relative obscurity. I really don’t know the answer.

I do know the problem has something to do with confidence. So, given the absence of confidence, how does one go about getting some? I think the first step is to recognize what’s going on. In my case it became more obvious the more I did it. Every time I introduced my writing by saying I’m sorry, my stuff is crap, people responded so kindly. I started to feel almost embarrassed, like I was fishing for compliments. But I couldn’t stop myself.

That’s exactly why the next step is so hard because it involves actually changing. As soon as you recognize your lack of confidence you simply must stop, change your attitude, and at the very least act confident, even if you don’t feel confident. You see, the most difficult person to persuade is yourself. As long as you’re not obnoxious about it, everyone else usually just buys it.

A couple of weeks ago I watched the movie Limitless, definitely worth seeing. The main character takes an experimental drug that increases his brain capacity and all of a sudden he goes from zero to hero. As he mused about his new found capacity to recall even minor details about things he learned back in college I couldn’t help thinking how much more confident I am about things I’ve already learned, at least the ones I can still remember. The guy in Limitless was more confident because he remembered everything he’d ever experienced. Even if we can’t remember everything it makes sense to read and write as much as possible – probably the most common advice given to aspiring writers.

And even though I don’t have infinite brain capacity, and I know I can’t be great at everything, I really do enjoy learning new things. My family always jokes that I have a lot of hobbies. In fact I do, a byproduct of the desire to try and learn new things. Trying new things gives me confidence to try other new things. As I’ve tried new things I’ve found that if I act nervous I’m not as successful. If I act confident I am more successful. The more you act confident, the easier it becomes.

It’s very much like the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz, he had courage in himself the whole time. He just didn’t recognize it. Confidence is basically faith in one’s self. Confidence we can achieve, faith that we can achieve, will help motivate us when the desire to give up creeps into the corners of our minds.

Last weekend I joined a writing critique group. We met on Saturday, in person, to iron out the details about how we each wanted the group to function. I was apprehensive at first, and yes, this was one of those occasions where I started by listing my limitations. But I ended up so impressed by the personalities in the group, from a fourteen-year-old freshman in high school to others who are working on multiple manuscripts. What made me the most optimistic though was everyone’s desire to help each other.

On the way out to the parking lot after our meeting, I was talking with a member of our group. We discussed the impressive array of talented writers who live in and around Utah Valley, the area where we all live. She made the comparison to Shakespeare, how he created an environment of excitement that enabled more than him to be successful. With so many great authors nearby it seems possible that we can be successful too. Why not?

Another way to gain confidence is to surround yourself with people who encourage you to keep trying.

I understand writing is hard work, but, this week at least, I believe if I do the work I can be successful. And someday, maybe, I can join the ranks of the published. I know that’s not an end, but right now, that’s what I’m shooting for.

Why not me?

My new goal: when I tell people about my writing, do it with confidence, hopefully not boring them to tears at the same time.

Next time you’re tempted to say I can’t do something, stop yourself and say, Why not me?

And if you ever hear me blatantly trashing my own stuff, please, slap some sense into me.